Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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