i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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