I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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