pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
