Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize