Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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