Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
