I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
