She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
