"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can text with my tongue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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