I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
