There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
