I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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