I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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