If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
