I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
