haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
