I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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