Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
