Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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