we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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