How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
