i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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