he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
