i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
