Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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