I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My cat gives me a boner
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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