Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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