This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
