Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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