is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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