Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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