so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
