Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
