I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize