Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
soo... how was my night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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