Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
