I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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