tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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