Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
