She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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