Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
