I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
