I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
