she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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