About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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