if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
