just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
