we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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