I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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