just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize