I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
