so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
