I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
