i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
