Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
