she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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