Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My penis needs a shock collar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
