a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
