I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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