took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
