..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
