Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
