Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
