we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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