Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
