no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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