I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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