No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
