I got chris browned last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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