Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
