Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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