I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
