your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
