ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
