Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
