Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
