I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
