well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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