How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
