He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
