Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
