there's paper in my vomit.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
